February 8, 2018

As I'm Laying next to you, 
I'm contemplating my lies. 
I know they won't last so I hold you closer.
Carrying this piece of happiness like grains of sand.
Holding it so tight to the point it slips through my fingers.
Building castles on the beach is great,
Until you realize they can't go as high as you want them to. 
While your sleep, 
I stare at your ceiling feeling guilty
Judging myself long before you have the chance to. 
When you wake you smile at me.
I examine every piece of your happiness. 
How high your cheeks rise and almost cover your eyes, 
The way you bite the corner of your lip before licking them, 
And how relaxed your shoulders are. 
You are beautiful. 
A friend told me 
"Just because it feels like cheating doesn't mean it is"
But if the feeling is the same,
And it hurts her the same, 
then why does the difference matter?
She brought sand to our beach,
And I brought the high tide.
Destroying everything we built.
When you discover what I did, 
I examine you again. 
Your mouth is a straight line
Your shoulders are raised
And your hands are in your pockets.
You are tense,
and still beautiful.
Your eyes are sad, they seem tired.
Not from crying, but from trying for so long. 
As You ignored my explanations, 
You gave me a revelation.
When one seasons their words with lies, 
even the truth tastes like deceit.
As weeks became months
I built a new castle.
Made with self love, a little stronger than sand. 
You can join me if you'd like,
Call it home if you'd like,
Be together if you'd like.
It looks alot like the one we made,
Right there in your bed.